Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

Well, I don’t know how to start this thing off, but here goes nothing. I could give a detailed description of my life, my friends, and my personality, and I will later, but I thought I would start out with this AIM conversation between me and my friend Alex. Not because I’m lazy, mind you, but because….can I get someone to finish this sentence? Enjoy this masterpiece of randomness.

(15:20:05) Alex: When: June 18th — 6:00
Where: 13102 Rd 8-M Ottawa, Oh
What: A big ass swimming party, overnight accomidations available. Please confirm your invitation to blankeaj@email.uc.edu. In your confirmation let us know if you intend to bring a guest. Use Subject “Party”
(15:20:29) Me: Yeah, I got the message you sent yesterday
(15:20:40) Alex: well you never responded
(15:20:58) Me: sorry…I was busy entertaining a guest and sleeping
(15:21:14) Alex: BULLSHIT, you think I’m ugly!
(15:21:39) Me: That has nothing to do with anything…but have you given any thought to wearing a ski mask more often
(15:22:32) Alex: ouch
(15:23:28) Me: Listen, I like you just the way you are….creepy and legally required to stay away from certain people, but above all, inexpicably attractive
(15:23:49) Alex: i see
(15:24:18) Me: So, will you just be in Ottawa for awhile or what
(15:24:35) Alex: the night og the 9th and 10th I’m free
(15:25:15) Me: but just those two weekends then
(15:25:30) Alex: yeah, then back to school
(15:25:38) Me: I see
(15:26:15) Alex: yeah I’ve got a lot of plans made for that week
(15:26:58) Me: do they exclude glasses-wearing journalism majors
(15:27:35) Alex: kind of
(15:27:46) Alex: visiting sister in Chicago
(15:27:57) Alex: and staying in a cabin with college people
(15:28:07) Me: if you’re having an affair with Craig just say so
(15:28:36) Alex: I think I can do better than craig
(15:29:03) Me: It’s Deters, isn’t it
(15:29:16) Alex: maybe
(15:29:38) Me: You bastard
(15:30:23) Alex: maybe not
(15:31:14) Me: So what did you think of Star Wars
(15:32:04) Alex: I really really liked it
(15:32:55) Me: Yeah, I thought it was pretty good
(15:33:11) Alex: I want to see it again
(15:33:27) Alex: hey did I tell you I got my new computer today
(15:33:35) Alex: well not today
(15:33:37) Me: no, no you didn’t
(15:33:41) Alex: like a week ago
(15:34:01) Me: That’s cool…is it…good?
(15:34:20) Alex: it’s a very nice computer
(15:35:10) Me: Can it download porn….’cuz I hear that’s what some people do with their computers
(15:35:32) Alex: whoa you can do that with a computer
(15:36:03) Me: Apparently..I haven’t looked into the details, but..
(15:36:11) Me: maybe there are books about it
(15:36:31) Alex: perhaps a helpful pamphlet
(15:36:34) Me: I’m sure it’s really hard and complicated to find….they’re not just going to give it away
(15:36:48) Alex: true, true
(15:39:08) Me: When are you done with school for this quarter
(15:39:44) Alex: I hope to be home some time on the 9th
(15:40:29) Me: I see..
(15:41:02) Alex: but I can’t confirm that yet
(15:42:06) Me: Well, I’ll just park along I-75 and then follow you, if that’s ok
(15:42:17) Alex: no problem
(15:42:34) Me: excellent
(15:44:00) Alex: I also hope that you guys can procure a few explosives
(15:45:08) Me: BUT ALEX, SETTING OFF FIREWORKS IS ILLEGAL IN THE STATE OF OHIO, WE’D HAVE TO GO TO OUR CABIN AT LAKE HAMILTON, IN INDIANA, TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT
(15:45:22) Alex: don’t we always
(15:45:42) Me: sorry, my caps lock got stuck….(that should throw off the feds)
(15:45:54) Alex: good
(15:53:30) Alex: i shall destroy your cumbersome
(15:53:44) Me: my cumbersome
(15:53:53) Alex: yesness
(15:54:29) Me: Ok, I’m not really sure what you’re tallking about…but I’m shocked, offended, and a little scared
(15:54:46) Alex: yeah, and be taking that
(15:55:43) Me: everything’s pierced south of the border
(15:56:04) Alex: dang
(15:56:30) Me: word up, because getting hooked on a feeling is a bad way to have to leave the party
(15:56:48) Alex: lol
(15:57:28) Me: This conversation has ventured into a weird area…but I like it
(15:57:42) Alex: the carpets match the curtains
(15:58:06) Alex: both are a milky baige with a hint of cool lime
(15:58:59) Me: but then he was all like, “Locomotion or not, it’s time to tell you the truth. I was the one who poisoned your sausages.”
(15:59:17) Alex: you bastard
(16:00:38) Me: don’t judge this book by its sexy-ass cover…I’m an adventure novel, and if you’re still reading books from the children’s section, you best return to your fiction. I’m real, baby.
(16:01:11) Alex: you’re mother is like a book
(16:01:48) Alex: she’ll spread wide open for anyone willing to take the a few minutes
(16:02:57) Alex: u?
(16:03:04) Me: hey….you shut up. Your mother is like an old dictionary…full of dirty words and her binding is all worn from being opened too many times
(16:03:18) Alex: lol
(16:03:35) Alex: your mom is like a slut that gets around a lot
(16:03:55) Alex: she sleeps with a lot of men!
(16:04:01) Alex: OH! Burn!
(16:04:19) Me: where did that come from! We were just having a pleasant, clean conversation and then you go and say something like that
(16:04:44) Alex: it was a metaphore
(16:06:06) Me: I see…your mom’s a metaWHORE…because she enertains gentleman clients in her bedroom….maybe sipping wine and playing backgammon, but the possibility of sexual undertones is certainly there
(16:06:25) Alex: well played
(16:07:11) Me: thank you…
(16:07:32) Alex: indeed
(16:08:16) Me: Well, I’m gonna try and work on some homework…but it probably won’t happen
(16:08:31) Alex: ok
(16:09:32) Me: see you later, computater
(16:09:44) Alex: see you later masticator
(16:10:13) Me: I thought you were going to go with masterbater, but you didn’t…I’m proud of you
(16:10:22) Alex: thank you
(16:10:35) Me: bye
(18:05:55) Alex logged out.

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