Back on the Horse
It’s been awhile since my last post, and I apologize to anyone who may be addicted to this most humble of blog authors. I just don’t know if I can live up to all the hype anymore. Having said that, I thought I’d take a little time to tell you some of my random dreams and goals in life. As some of you know, I recently gave up, at least temporarily, on one of my dreams for the summer. Since Christmas, I had aspired to grow my hair out to an appropriate length that would prompt a kindly old sage of a professor to rub me on the head and say, “Get to class, mop-top!”, or something to that effect, in a jesting manner. I waited to cut my hair, growing it out until it was longer than ever before. I sauntered to and from class, just hoping any male professor would call me mop-top. By the end of spring quarter I was desperate, I was willing to accept hearing the moniker from a janitor or even a rather masculine woman. But those old jerks wouldn’t descend from their ivory towers to make a shaggy-haired guy’s day, so I gave up. When summer arrived and this miraculous moment had not occurred, I decided to get a hair-cut because I don’t see elderly scholarly gentleman nearly as much off-campus, and the long hair wasn’t doing anything for the female persuasion. After school is back in session, I think I’d be willing to settle for friendly advice from anyone with a monocle. I don’t know what it is, but when a guy’s got a monocle: instant credibility with me. Some people aspire to be celebrities or professional athletes; I just want to be addressed with a condescending, out-of-date nickname. In job hunting news, I still haven’t heard back from Best Buy or Circuit City. I am thinking about focusing on finding a job that will just get me some action with the ladies. You know the professions I’m talking about: pool boy, gardener, pizza delivery guy, carnie, all the normal jobs that will place me in precarious situations with single women. If anyone’s interested in hiring me for one of these positions, even if you don’t have a pool, garden, or carnival, just let me know. I’m a simple man with simple dreams. Hopefully this summer I can find a girl who will tell me, “Thank goodness you’re cute/handsome, because you sure can’t clean a pool/perform lawn care services/manage a ring-toss game”. Good night and sweet dreams, no matter how ridiculous they may be.
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pure brilliance…. i’d give you a writing award if i had any on hand. or uhhh… any authority to give one out. anyway, good luck with the ladies-man thing (“ooh.. its a lady!”), as well as the job search. perhaps your quest for the word-seach will lead you to another cute young single thing in your complex with the same love for word puzzles!
and perhaps next season can be the time to get such lovingly degrading comments from self-righteous old english profs. i hope you someday attain your dreams.
I agree w/ Laura, pure brilliance! Have you seen some of the people that walk around campus? You’re going to have to drastically alter your appearance in order to get any comments. In my 4 years I’ve seen men wearing dresses, one guy wears a robe and nothing else to class, and there are a group of people who sport mullets and mohawks…not to mention all of the body piercings. So, i’m not saying you should give up on your dream…but there’s a lot of competition out there. You’ve got to look pretty different (ok, repulsive) to get recognition from these profs. ~T
Perhaps if you would “enhance” your appearance artifiicially like with pills or something. Maybe you could even shave off your pubes and glue them to your head, that would probably get people’s attention…although I’m not sure you would get the kind of comments you are looking for. Well, I just realized how completely random that was…and, I’m out.
Its about time you got your ears lowered, ya little katzenheimer!
The comments on this post have gotten out of hand and off topic. Theresa, your comment would have been appreciated while I was in my delusional state of obsession with the idea of being called mop-top. But I think the length of my hair now is acceptable. While I’m responding to comments, all I wanted to do was become the mop-top, not to get attention by wearing a dress, getting piercings, or shaving any hairs off. If that’s what it takes for professors to call me mop-top, I guess I’m happy to just accept my role as the average guy who dresses like a mime everyday.