Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

Ok, this blog thing is really getting out of hand. I’m getting comments, people are recognizing me on the street, and fans keep clamoring about when my next post is going to be….Alright, so it’s just Taryn and Anne. But because they’re so near and dear to my heart, here’s another post from their hopefully beloved provocative picture poster-boy. First of all, I’d like to get something off my chest. I was watching the MTV movie awards this evening, and enjoying an opportunity to see celebrities engaging in casual banter, Jimmy Fallon participating in sketches again, and Hollywood stars entertaining me with their antics. Napoleon Dynamite and its star Jon Heder won some awards, which was cool, because I really enjoyed that movie. Then, as the categories are rolling by, they arrive at Best Comedic Performance. In my mind, it’s a two man race between Will Ferrell for Anchorman and Ben Stiller for Dodgeball. The winner was….Dustin Hoffman for Meet the Fockers. Don’t get me wrong, I respect Dustin Hoffman as an actor, but best comedic performance? Over Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller? Maybe I just have an obsession with Will Ferrell, but I thought he was hilarious in Anchorman and can probably quote way too much of the movie. Anchorman didn’t win the award for best fight scene either, I don’t know if it won anything. I was upset. Anyways, now that I’m through with that tirade, my summer plans came into focus a little on Thursday night. No, I haven’t found a job yet, that task will hopefully be completed soon, though. But after some tennis, swimming, and a delicious, orgasmic meal prepared by chef Taryn (with partial crescent roll props to Luda), the gang sat and talked about commercials. Tone and I are going to work on our harmonies so we can perform musical masterpieces such as the Osterman Jewelers radio ad, American Family Insurance, and our featured number “Breakfast Burrito, Cinnamon Roll” complete with choreography and possibly partial nudity. Also, a movie is in the planning stages that focuses on what John would do in outrageous situations. I’m set to have a minor role where I’m just the beefcake without a shirt on, and have been asked to do a shower scene. I’ve agreed in principle, but only if it’s tasteful and crucial to the plot….oh, who am I kidding, I’ll do anything for the fans. Well, there it is, a plan for a great summer. I hope this satisfies my post-thirsty readers. I can only hope that someday I can find a woman as beautiful and sweet as Anne and Taryn. Maybe, if I’m lucky, that girl will let me trade in my boring breakfast for her Dannon Frusion smoothie.

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