When I’m Gone
I don’t mean to make a morbid, depressing post but this article about the dying wishes of writer Hunter S. Thompson made me think about what life will be like if I die. I say if because I am hoping to make the final list for that top-secret immortality experiment. Right now I’m just an alternate, stuck behind Jimmy Fallon because it is sorted by first name, but they said if he makes another movie like “Taxi”, then I’m in. Oh, I’ve already said too much. In case you’re too busy to read the whole article, basically Hunter S. Thompson asked that his remains be cremated and then mixed with fireworks and fired out of mortar tubes. Well, I don’t need anything extravagant like that, but I do have some ideas for my funeral. I don’t want everyone to be crying and upset. I just want people to talk and reminisce about the good times that we shared while avoiding any discussion of the money I may owe them. If I die before I get married or really explore the dating scene, I ask that my female friends work the room, telling exaggerated stories about my sexual escapades. You know who you are and what I’m talking about, and I assure you that you will be handsomely compensated. Now, if I do get married and pass away before my spouse, please, everybody just be quiet. Telling her the complete truth would only make me look bad. Hopefully, there will be an open bar so everyone can just relax, have a drink and enjoy themselves. Before I end this post, here’s one idea for an epitaph: “James Tobe: We Hardly Kne…..No, I Guess We Knew Him Pretty Well. He Sure Was A Demon In The Sack. I Remember This Time…”
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My friend Chad wants to be stuffed by a taxidermist, in the towering style of how one sees stuffed polar bears. I think that’s a cool idea… just to freak out your great-grandkids and such.
I have a friend who’s picked out all of the music he wants played at his funeral. I think people should dance at mine.. Throw a big party, tip a few back…and get jiggy wit’ it…all in memory of me of course;)