Away Message Innovator
Well, my latest development in away message technology is starting to gain momentum. I have been an instant messenger for just over a year now, and since I became a college student I have strived to always be creative when I am not near my computer. Anyone can just say where they are or who they are with, but I try to offer insight into my soul…and well, basically, I just want people to laugh. Throughout my time on AIM I have had what I consider to be some classic away messages. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? Does anyone remember where they were when they read this?
“Tonight, on “Game Night: The Reunion Show”, Luda, Tone (scheduled to appear), Jaymz and John will play video games as a quartet for the first time in several weeks. They say that cookies and pizza heal all wounds, but how will Tone deal with the news that the love that did not dare to speak its name has been shouted from the rooftops!? Tune in to see what happens when Tone finds out about Jaymz’s love of women, especially his dearest Anne! Also, Luda’s evil twin brother Clyde has infected the town’s water supply, Baxter has feline AIDS, and, oh yeah, John is plotting to kill a woman by tying her to the railroad tracks, while, of course, playing with his handlebar moustache.”
And what about this one that was a hit with the ladies?
“You know how sometimes you wake up in the morning and you’re just really hungry? So you go to the cupboard, eager to pour a bowl of your favorite cereal. My personal breakfast of choice is Honey Bunches of Oats. Anyway, you pick up the box, and you’re like, “Oh no! There’s no way this is enough for a whole bowl. This sucks. The only other box in there is the seven month old box of Sugar Smacks that have probably become one massive Smack.” Of course, you can’t just throw the box away. But then, to your surprise, there is more cereal than you thought, and it fills the bowl perfectly. The milk flows over your bowl of heaven, and it’s like your spoon-feeding yourself pure happiness. So why am I telling you this? Well…I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re my last bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, girl….and I can’t wait to wake up with you.”
There have been so many great away messages; it’s difficult to only select a few. I’ve come a long way…I mean, I have a blog now. I sincerely hope that some people out there enjoy reading these glimpses into my personality. Instead of continuing to conduct the voting for the interactive story on AIM, I’m posting this poll on the blog, with the help of John.
Here are your options:
#1.) “Can jaymz go to the candy store?? oh please!!! let him go to the candy store!!! he probably wants to eat some candy canes there too so he can pretend they are little toy guns”
#2.) “Unfortunately he suffered from a terrible curse.”
#3.) “”He was the kind of guy who liked nothing more than sitting around on a Saturday afternoon stroking him massive…cat!”
#4.) “He also had a milkshake that brought all the girls to the bar, and they’re like, its better than yours”
#5.) “…and balls the size of grapefruits. Two huge grapefruits covered in man-hair and that smelled of citrus and power.”
So, please, add a comment to take the poll, keep reading my away messages, vote for your favorite lines, and help me write an amazing story and make an impact on the world of instant messaging.
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bastard.