Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

It’s time for the first online edition of the Jaymz Times.

LOCAL STUDENT STAKES CLAIM TO SEXIEST MAN ALIVE TITLE

-BEAVERCREEK, OH -Wright State University sophomore James Tobe is protesting the results of People Magazine’s supposed “Sexiest Man Alive” competition, saying that he hasn’t been given a fair chance. He said quote, “All of the men on the list are celebrities and have received preferential treatment. They have the unfair advantages of hair and make-up teams, stylists and an entourage. I only ask for a level playing field and an opporutnity to compete. Then we’ll see who can out-sexy who.” According to James, several area women have told him in confidence that he is in fact one of the sexiest men alive, or at least in the top five. James told the Times that he even has a loyal fan club with a stunningly beautiful president and at least one member. James said that “what he lacks in raw physical sexiness he makes up for in grit, moxy, determination, heart, clichés, and a willingness to ambush and sabotage the competition”. Asked if he feared the competition, James said, “I am confident that if the London Gentleman’s rules of sexy etiquette are enforced, I have a decent shot at the title. Apparently the reigning champion is some guy named Jude Law…If my fan base gives me enough support, he’ll only be the second sexiest man alive…and after being reduced to that, he might as well be ugly.”

Filed under: Classic Away Messages