Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. There’s one little detail that Hollywood and the left wing fairytale publishing media conveniently left out…an important character who has long been ignored: me. That’s right, I lived with the three bears for awhile. Quite frankly, I am the reason the third bed was “just right”. I needed a place to crash for a couple of months, and the bears were cool enough to provide room and board in exchange for protection from hunters, porridge preparation and some light housework. Anyway, this chick Goldilocks was clinically crazy. She wasn’t afraid to break furniture, sleep in a stranger’s bed and steal from bears. I managed to convince her to relax with me on the bed and thanks to a couple of roofie-laced lemonades, I delivered a sleeping intruder to my hosts. Apparently that wasn’t enough to satisfy the disgruntled bears because I was promptly asked to move out. After that, I was going steady with this girl Rapunzel for awhile until I found out she let some other dude climb her hair….What a tramp.

Filed under: Classic Away Messages