Circle Jerk
Some say it came from Greece. Others say Crete. Wherever it originated, it became a homicidal maniac. I always knew it was irrational, but I still can’t believe Pi killed all those people. The horrors I witnessed that day are permanently etched into my memory. As I crossed the boundary of police tape that encircled the circumference of the crime scene, a degree of remorse overwhelmed me. I could have prevented this. If only I hadn’t referred to Pi as “essentially 3.14 or 22/7.” Pi detested those labels more than anything. It went completely insane. As its mental health deteriorated, it even started talking to imaginary numbers, claiming it could recite over 100,000 digits of itself from memory…Pi carved out a final solution for x and itself by eliminating all the variables he once loved. There was just one area Pi and the Radius twins could never fully calculate: their own demented minds.
Filed under: Classic Away Messages
At this point, the situation was escalating at an exponential rate. People started to realize that Pi was just going to go on like this forever. It was of course about that time when the locals decided to eat Pi. They were always interested in its guts, which happened to be made of blueberries, and this incident really rounded them over the edge. Pi tried to escape via the famous Market Square route, but they were waiting for it there. A few loyal friends tried desperately to show proof of Pi’s innocence, but no one really understood what they were talking about. Ultimately, they divided Pi into many pieces that were just a fraction of its original size and ate them. The feast was so tasty for everyone that we still eat pieces of “Pie” as a special treat to this day.
Jim, are you sure you don’t want to be a substitute teacher?
Mmm, Pi.