The Man Who Cried Retirement
Well, the walking record book most people know as Brett Favre has been reinstated by the NFL. So strike up the band and have them play their most rousing rendition of “Who Gives a Crap?”
I apologize if I sound bitter about the whole situation, but after an entire summer of drama, I was expecting a more satisfying resolution. I feel like I just endured eleven episodes of the O.C. only to watch the main character move to Alaska on the season finale. Maybe that’s not the perfect analogy….I can’t think of a city that sucks as much as the Jets do. The point is, he won’t be scoring as much, the supporting cast isn’t nearly as sexy and he doesn’t stand a chance of being as beloved or successful.
I also wish the media could have resisted the urge to use every Jet-themed pun at their disposal as a headline. Thanks to their lack of restraint, I was treated to gems like: “Jet Favre,” “Jet Setter,” “Jettisoned” and “For Jetter or Worse.” Ok, so I made up one of those. You get the point. Of course, Green Bay sports writers had their own unique perspective, as evidenced by their headline choice: “Fudge Packer.” Alright, so that’s another Jaymz original. I’m still waiting for an announcer to say “Crotchety to Cotchery” when Brett hits his new favorite target for a touchdown.
Lost in all the hysterics and hoopla is the real story. Despite reports that Brett returned for the “love of the game,” I believe I’ve determined his actual motive for coming back. Brett Favre is addicted to the rush of retirement. He can’t stop himself from walking away from the game, so he has to continue to get that fix every season. He is incapable of retiring from retiring. He loves the cake, the kind words and the nonstop media attention. I’m not criticizing the man. I can empathize with his plight. My own mother retired just this year, but couldn’t stay on the educational sidelines for long. She was promptly reinstated as a substitute teacher. I propose that the NFL institute a similar policy for gray-whiskered players like Mr. Favre.
Poor Kellen Clemens thought he was finally getting a full-time starting position. After years of education and studying lesson plans, the principal had indicated it was his time to teach. Instead, this old bastard with tenure sweeps in and usurps his position….and this elderly gentleman never takes a sick day, either.
You know, this whole teacher-quarterback analogy has forced me to rethink something. How is an organization supposed to produce results with limited resources? If the classroom leaders are not compensated properly, how will the next generation be encouraged to assume the responsibilities of this critical profession? Maybe it is wise to keep the seasoned, reliable veterans around instead of paying less for kids fresh out of college…The NFL needs to eliminate the salary cap restrictions. Otherwise, kids are going to grow up aspiring to be something else besides professional athletes, maybe even teachers….and where would we be as a society if that happens?
Well, that’s all I have for this week. Oh, and to any cynics who would dare to speculate that I started this entry back when Brett Favre was first reinstated and then proceeded to procrastinate for a couple of months, you have some nerve…albeit an accurate one.
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