Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

Thinking of the clever Ghostbusters pun in the title took a lot of creative effort, so the remainder of this post will be some of my wittier Facebook status updates from the past month or so.

Jim Tobe People who are extremely inebriated tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. In addition, they often wear their dinner on their shirts, their damaged livers as badges of honor and the patience of any sober bystander on the bottom of their shoes with each stumbling step they take.

September 11 at 2:30am

Jim Tobe is willing to enter into a Monopoloid, monogamous relationship with a special young woman. She must be willing to take Chances occasionally, access to her Community Chest must be restricted to a sole player and she must be willing to place her home (or hotel) firmly upon the soil of St. Jaymz Place.

September 17 at 11:47pm

Jim Tobe is impressed that Liquid Plumber’s purported guarantee to quickly and effectively eliminate clogs was proven valid. Guard your dancing shoes with extreme vigilance, people of the Netherlands!

September 23 at 12:21am

Jim Tobe If a tree falls during the Annual Deaf Camping Trip to the Middle of the Forest, would Alanis Morissette consider it ironic?

September 24 at 1:38am

Jim Tobe Don’t let a popular advertising campaign ruin your life, kids. R-O-L-A-I-D-S does not spell relief, at least not according to the judges of the 1996 Putnam County Spelling Bee.

September 25 at 10:21am

Jim Tobe never speaks in absolutes…with the exception of the previous sentence. He has always considered it the least he can do.

September 27 at 12:21am

Jim Tobe Self checkout is for the vain and all it requires is a reflective surface.

September 30 at 12:40am

Jim Tobe was advised during this week’s homily to remove anything that causes him to sin from his life. He has decided to first target impure thoughts. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that he must today swear off the voluptuous, suggestive bottles of both Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima brand syrups. Sorry, ladies, but it’s strictly generic brands from this day forward.

October 1 at 1:18am

Jim Tobe would love to be Benjamin Button for a day just so he could goad someone into saying, “Hey, come on! We’re not getting any younger!” To which he would calmly reply, “Speak for yourself.”

October 17 at 8:08pm

Filed under: Facebook status nuggets