Diary of a Cage Fighter (Journalist) In Training

For those who aren’t a relative, former Glandorf Elementary teacher or corrupt, inquisitve employee of the postal service, here is an electronic version of the actual Christmas letter that my parents mailed this year.

Season’s greetings to family, friends and anyone else in my parents’ address book,

As the weather invariably grows colder, our thoughts naturally turn to that old familiar birth story we’ve all heard hundreds of times. You undoubtedly know the details. The son of a carpenter, the green-sleeved child (and his fluorescent rhinoplastic nightmare) would grow from rather humble beginnings to become King Wenceslas, the most famous reindeer of all. As a monarch, he received gifts. Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh. (You’re probably thinking, all three!? Remember, these were more prosperous times). He was wrapped in swaddling clothes. Later in life he preferred less confining garments and frequently wore sandals. It’s easy to forget that our focus should be on him during this time of celebration. Ideally, every decision made in preparation for the holiday should be governed by the question of WWJD: What Would Jim Desire for Christmas?

Much like the advent wreath, the Tobe family (as I see it) consists of four candles, each one shining brightly in its own right. One of these four is unique, distinguishing itself mainly through unapologetic self-promotion and cleverly written Christmas letters. I shall provide an update on each segment of the family, starting with the eldest members and ending with the most vibrant.

Russell and Kathleen:
Mom and dad both celebrated an age-related milestone this year. To ensure that I’m well-represented under the tree come the 25th, let’s just say they look good for fifty, don’t they? Mom also doubled the size of her cooking repertoire (break AND bake, anyone?), while Dad suffered through the final year of the Charlie Weis era at Notre Dame. Dad still reminisces with a wistful glint in his eye about the Fighting Irish’s last national championship in 1988, when he was on the verge of thirty. (I’m committed at this point. What does one name his first yacht?)

Ben and Theresa:
The Schroeders celebrated a decade of married bliss and moved into their beautiful new home. This leaves two vacant guest rooms at la casa de Tobe. In order to combat Mom’s second bout of Empty Nest Syndrome, I suggest she open a “Bed and Bed,” considering breakfast for her usually consists of oatmeal and coffee. Ben also generously donated a kidney to his cousin in November. Evidently he was determined to complete his Christmas shopping early and avoid any possibility of his present being exchanged or returned.

John and *Francie (*denotes new Tobe!):
These two lovebirds tied the knot, saw Star Trek as part of an Australian honeymoon and were treated to an absolutely amazing toast at their wedding reception. The first new Tobe to make Russ and Kathy’s family picture since August of 1985, Francie was a shrewd free agent acquisition.

James Russell Tobe, Esquire:
I had an absolutely amazing year. The highlights include serving as best man for a second time, moving into an apartment with my new roommate and writing what I hope is an amusing Christmas letter. Returning to the question mentioned earlier (WWJD), Santa already knows what I hope to receive this year: the laughter and love exchanged on a late December morning in a tightly-wrapped package known as my family. They are a present I don’t deserve, but happily accept every Christmas.

Merry Christmas from the Tobes,
-Jim Tobe-

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