Swashbuckling Savings & Loan

Arrrr you tired of traveling to remote islands just to find the money to pay monthly bills? Creditors hassling you about accepting gold doubloons and bullion? Has collecting Aztec gold lost its luster because you keep forgetting where you buried it? Then maybe it’s time to consider entrusting your money to the folks at First [...]

Circle Jerk

Some say it came from Greece. Others say Crete. Wherever it originated, it became a homicidal maniac. I always knew it was irrational, but I still can’t believe Pi killed all those people. The horrors I witnessed that day are permanently etched into my memory. As I crossed the boundary of [...]

Fairytale Ending

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. There’s one little detail that Hollywood and the left wing fairytale publishing media conveniently left out…an important character who has long been ignored: me. That’s right, I lived with the three bears for awhile. Quite frankly, I am the reason [...]

Cheesecake Factory

The lights are now on nightly at the ol’ Cheesecake Factory in Kettering. If you look closely among the construction, you can see the blue-collar laborers going in to work the third shift on the line. Behind the faces stained with grease, cream cheese, sweat and crumbled graham cracker sawdust, you can see the [...]

Life at the button factory

Hi, my name is Jim. I got a wife, and three kids. I work, in, a button factory. One day, the boss came up to me and said, “Jim, are you busy?” I said, “No.” He said, “Push this button with your right hand”.
Hi, my name is Jim. I got a wife, and three kids. [...]

God’s Novelty Pens

Alright, just a little note of clarification here for everyone. I would never claim to be God’s gift to women. That would make me sound arrogant and egocentric. I consider myself to be more like those fancy pens that people give as graduation presents. You know, smart, sleek, sexy, chic, classically trained in the art [...]

Sexiest Man Or Coward?

It’s time for the first online edition of the Jaymz Times.
LOCAL STUDENT STAKES CLAIM TO SEXIEST MAN ALIVE TITLE
-BEAVERCREEK, OH -Wright State University sophomore James Tobe is protesting the results of People Magazine’s supposed “Sexiest Man Alive” competition, saying that he hasn’t been given a fair chance. He [...]