So…it’s been awhile. Quite a long time, actually. Over a year. Just how long has it been since my last blog entry? I’m glad you asked. To put how much time has elapsed in perspective, here are a few things that have happened since I filled my last prescription as Dr. Funny, M.D.:
-I believe almost everyone in my group of friends has moved at least once (and some are preparing to move again)
-I applied for and was rejected in my attempt to receive a doctorate from Humor University, home of the Fighting Punch Lines!
-I printed over 2000 business cards in anticipation of my new profession
-the world witnessed the phenomena of Tylergasm and Jimini and their resulting whirlwind press tours
-the world’s first Ball-O-Tron was created by geniuses, geniuses the likes of which you will never know
-redundancy was hailed as 2006’s hippest, coolest, most popular way to write awesomely and in style
-my countenance was featured on the only officially sanctioned shuffle quarters table
-kids across the country started constructing their own shuffle quarters tables out of spare wood and bootleg copies of “How to Draw Jaymz Naked” books sold on eBay (available from Bantam books for just $9.98, by the way)
-due to the popularity of shuffle quarters, dimes and nickels became obsolete as quarters enjoyed a brief but memorable renaissance as “drinking disks”
-Luda coined the phrase, “The quarter is in your quarter,” to a mixed response from the lexicon community
-G-I-M was ephemerally listed by Webster’s Dictionary as an alternate spelling for “Jim” before a revision was issued. The error was attributed to inebriation
-Mats and I consumed our weight in beer and generated an estimated 3,670 inside jokes
-Tyler killed approximately seven hobos, drifters and gentlemen of the evening with his bear hands
-An Ohio man participated in the first successful human-to-bear transmutation operation. He later reverted to his human form, but not before going on a murderous rampage that targeted nomadic wanderers and claimed at least seven lives (Thought that was a typo up above, didn’t you?)
-Megan and I burst onto the choreography scene with her Ridin’ Dirty routine. We enjoyed a brief stint on Broadway in “Pimpin’ Is Easy,” but the pressures of fame were too much. Megan later overdosed on feline allergy medication and was found dancing for drinking disks in front of a liquor store
Wow, a lot can happen in fifteen months. You probably don’t even remember all that stuff, but that’s what I’m here for. If you enjoyed this blog, it’s your patriotic duty to inspire me to write an entry more often through physical coercion, pecks on the cheek from fetching young lasses or a donation of novelty drinking disks, circa 2006. Those things will sell for a lot of money on eBay, especially when coupled with one of those Jaymz-drawing books.
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